Have you ever found yourself at the end of the day, frustrated, having done the exact thing you promised yourself you wouldn't do?
Whether it's the endless nightly scroll, the mindless snacking, or hitting "snooze" one too many times, we all have that one habit that just... sticks. It’s frustrating because, logically, you know what you should be doing. You have the knowledge, so why doesn't it translate into action?
For the last 25 years, I've worked with people on managing their health and lifestyle, and I’ve seen this frustration countless times. The truth is, breaking a bad habit isn't about shame, and it's not about just having more "willpower."
It's about understanding how your brain is wired—and then working with it, not against it.
The Myths We Believe About Habit Change
Our culture feeds us a few key myths that set us up for failure.
Myth 1: "I just need more willpower." We treat willpower as a moral failing, but neurologically, it's just an unreliable resource. Your "willpower" lives in your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain for rational decisions. Your habits, however, are stored in the basal ganglia—your brain's "autopilot." This system is older, faster, and stronger.
On a day when you're stressed or have made too many other decisions, your autopilot will win every time. The Fix: Stop trying to "out-muscle" the habit and change your environment instead. If you want to stop checking your phone, put it in another room. If you want to eat healthier, don't keep the junk food on the counter. Make the good choice the path of least resistance.
Myth 2: "If I know it's bad for me, I should be able to stop." There is a massive gap between rational knowledge and automatic behavior. Your brain is wired to prioritize immediate rewards over long-term benefits. That snack gives you an immediate hit of pleasure; the long-term benefit of not eating it is abstract. Your brain will choose the "here and now" reward almost every time.
Myth 3: "I just need to eliminate this habit completely." This is the "cold turkey" approach, and it rarely works. Why? Because habits are built on a loop: a cue, a behavior, and a reward. If you just try to remove the behavior, your brain is still left craving the reward it was expecting. The Fix: Substitution is far more effective than elimination. Keep the cue and the reward, but change the behavior.
For example, your cue might be "I just finished work" and the reward is "I need to unwind." If the behavior is pouring a glass of wine, your brain is looking for that signal of relaxation. Instead of just not pouring the wine, replace it. Try a non-alcoholic drink in a nice glass, change your clothes, and sit in a different chair. You're giving your brain a new routine that still delivers the same reward: "The workday is over, and now I can relax."
The Real Reason You're Stuck: The Identity Trap
This is the deepest level. Behind every behavior is an identity.
We build self-concepts around our habits, and they become self-fulfilling prophecies. We say:
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"I'm a night owl."
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"I'm an emotional eater."
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"I'm just not good with routines."
These feel like descriptions, but they are actually prescriptions for future behavior. When you label yourself as someone who "always procrastinates," you are unconsciously giving yourself permission to keep doing it. Your brain works to maintain consistency with who you believe you are.
The solution is to reframe your identity.
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Instead of: "I'm a night owl."
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Try: "I've been in the habit of staying up late, but I'm learning how to protect my sleep."
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Instead of: "I have no self-control."
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Try: "I'm practicing making better decisions in the moment."
This subtle shift is powerful. Your behavior will begin to align with the new story you tell yourself.
A Practical Toolkit for Real Change
Once you've changed your environment and started reframing your identity, you can use practical tools to rewire the habit.
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The 10-Minute Rule: When an urge or craving hits, tell yourself you'll just wait 10 minutes. Most urges lose their intensity with time. This gives your rational brain (the prefrontal cortex) space to catch up and regain control.
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Implementation Intentions (If-Then Plans): Be specific. Create a plan before the trigger hits. "IF I feel stressed and want to grab a snack, THEN I will take three deep breaths and drink a full glass of water." This gives your mind a clear instruction to follow.
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Habit Stacking: Link a new, desired behavior to an existing, automatic routine. "After I make my morning coffee, I will stretch for one minute." You're using what's already automatic to build something new.
A Final Thought: Setbacks are Data, Not Failure
You will have setbacks. They are an inevitable part of the process.
The "all or nothing" mindset is what truly derails us. We slip up once and think, "Well, I've ruined my streak, so I might as well give up completely."
This is the single most important shift: Relapse is not failure. It's feedback.
When you slip, don't fall into shame. Get curious. Treat it like data.
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What was the trigger?
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What thoughts was I having?
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What can I do differently next time?
Every time you return to the new, better habit after a slip, you are strengthening that new neural pathway. It's the return, not the mistake, that builds resilience.
Your Lifestyle is a System. Let's Build a Better One.
This holistic approach—understanding your brain, your environment, and your personal identity—is at the heart of what we do at Brooktree Consulting.
We don't believe in quick fixes or one-size-fits-all plans. We look at your entire lifestyle to see how all the pieces fit together. True, lasting wellness isn't about forcing yourself into a box; it's about building a life that naturally supports your goals. It's about finding that peace and quiet in your own mind and body.
If you are tired of fighting against yourself and are ready to build a system of habits that finally sticks, I'm here to help.
I invite you to schedule a discovery call with me today. Let’s talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get you there.
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